EPISODE 12/26/01
Simon And Katie Exchange Gifts
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Simonscript
December, 2001
WEDNEDSAY, DECEMBER 26, 2001
From: Soap Opera Previews
Scene 1:
Location: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Simon and Katie's Room
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: There we are.
>> Katie: Oh, thank you so much, Simon. I love them. They're so soft.
And faux fur, very pc.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, that's me. Okay, where's mine?
>> Katie: Now you open mine.
>> Simon: Come on. Okay. Wow! Just what every real man should have.
>> Katie: That's right.
>> Simon: Look at this. Awesome. I haven't seen one with so many
attachments.
>> Katie: Well, that's because I got you the sportsman carpenter
executive safari model.
>> Simon: Mmm.
>> Katie: See, this thing right here is for cutting through metal.
>> Simon: Mm-hmm.
>> Katie: And this right here is a wire cutter and a lock pick.
>> Simon: For getting out of Maltese prisons?
>> Katie: Yeah, but not quite as fun.
>> Simon: Thank you.
>> Katie: Just the perfect gift for an international man of mystery.
>> Simon: Well, well, well. There's nothing now I cannot do. Thank you,
@#%$ galore.
>> Katie: Oh, yes, that's me. You're beautiful, adventurous and it helps
you fight evil. And when business is slow --
>> Simon: Business is pretty slow right now. Come here.
>> Katie: Ooh, wait. I almost forgot. One more thing for you, mister.
>> Simon: What do you mean, one more thing? Don't show me up. I only
got you one present.
>> Katie: It's okay, baby. You have given me everything I have ever
wanted. Let me get you this one special thing, okay?
>> Simon: Okay.
>> Katie: Okay. Let me just get ready. And of course, I have to set the
proper atmosphere. I thought of this myself!
>> Simon: Yeah, well, that's almost never a good sign.
Scene 2:
Location: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Simon and Katie Frasier's Room
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: Come on, Katie, come out. I'm ready. Katie? This music's
starting to get very -- very weird. Katie? Okay, I'm ready. You can come
out any time you want. Any time, just come on out. Okay, what are you,
the mad executioner, or -- ?
>> Katie: I am the ghost of Christmas yet to come.
>> Simon: Oh, great, I had to ask, didn't I?
>> Katie: Simon Frasier, this is your gift. Open it up, and your future will
be revealed.
>> Simon: Look, baby, you didn't have to get all dressed up for me to
take the garbage out. You know, I would have done it.
>> Katie: I meant our future. Open the bag, and you will see our future.
>> Simon: Okay. Our future. A dog? Our future has a dog in it.
>> Katie: It is a golden retriever named rex.
>> Simon: Rex. Rex. Down, rex. And a -- ooh, a pink house. Look, I
don't know, Barbie. I'm not really --
>> Katie: We can paint. We can paint it.
>> Simon: Okay. And a -- and a car, a car, a key chain, a --
>> Katie: It's a Lamborghini.
>> Simon: A lam --
>> Katie: And we're gonna get one.
>> Simon: A Lamborghini? How and when are we gonna get a
Lamborghini?
>> Katie: When we get rich!
>> Simon: You are a freak!
>> Katie: A good one, though, right?
>> Simon: Yes. You know I hate to disappoint you, but --
>> Katie: Oh, what, you don't like your gifts?
>> Simon: No. I love -- I love the gifts, and I love you even more. It's
just that, look -- I only got you mittens and a hat.
>> Katie: And a scarf.
>> Simon: And a scarf, yes, because we're broke! We're living here, off
your brother, and I can't seem to get a full-time job.
>> Katie: It's okay, things will get better.
>> Simon: Yeah, maybe they will. Maybe Lucinda will get me a job, I don't
know.
>> Katie: See? And I'll get a job, and then we'll be rolling in it.
>> Simon: Whoa, wait, wait -- whoa, wait. What's this about you getting
a job?
>> Katie: I can work. Are you a secret sexist?
>> Simon: No. No. I think you can work. I think you can do whatever you
want to do. But how are you gonna afford a Lamborghini?
>> Katie: What? Don't you think I can bring home the bacon?
>> Simon: Absolutely. You can get any job out there. Now, holding onto
it, you know, that's a different story.
Scene 3:
Location: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Simon and Katie Frasier's Room
SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER
>> Simon: I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
[ Barking like dog ]
>> Katie: Could you pass me the red polish? Oh.
>> Simon: Look, I didn't mean to insult you when I said that you couldn't
hold onto a job.
>> Katie: I wanted "vamp" red.
>> Simon: It's just that you don't have the best track record when it
comes to employment, you know? Hey, exactly -- who am I to talk?
Neither do I.
>> Katie: I just might surprise you one day, you know?
>> Simon: Oh, baby, come on. You surprise me every single day.
>> Katie: I'm talking about a job. Remember that newspaper article I
showed you? Last year? When it talked about me as a noted television
personality?
>> Simon: I think the word was "notorious."
>> Katie: Same difference. The point is, there is a market out there for
people like me. Okay? And if I get the right job that utilizes all of my
talents, I could go straight to the top.
>> Simon: Yes, you could. And win another Endicott award.
>> Katie: Laugh all you want, mister. But I am gonna get a job, a very,
very good job. Maybe something in a brand-new field.
>> Simon; mm-hmm.
>> Katie: And I'm gonna make so much money that I'm gonna become
rich and famous.
>> Simon: Ooh.
>> Katie: Care to make a wager?
>> Simon: I thought you'd never ask. All right. So the bet is --
>> Katie: That I get and keep a job that will pay so much money, all our
dreams will come true. By next Christmas we will have that Lamborghini.
>> Simon: And if we don't? If you lose the bet?
>> Katie: Black or red?
>> Simon: Well, I'm kind of partial to orange. Look, I tell you what -- if
anyone can pull this off, you can.
>> Katie: Oh, thanks.
>> Simon: Yeah, but in between now and next Christmas, we need some
cash -- to look after rex. 'Cause I'm gonna go rob some little kids of their
toys and sell 'em off.
>> Katie: Oh, sounds like fun. Take your time.
[ Katie remembering ]
>> Katie: Oh, I've never taught aerobics before.
>> Woman: Oh, that doesn't matter. Listen, you look like
you would be fine in a leotard. I'll make up a class
for you, give you some moves. It's your notoriety
that I'm interested in.
>> Katie: Think I can't get us rich? Think again, sweetheart.
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December, 2001