EPISODE 12/17/01
Simon Sees His Wedding Announcement

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December, 2001


MONDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2001

Scene 1:
Location : The Lakeview
Scene: Katie and Simon's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: I never thought this would happen.
>> Simon: What? We'd be spending our wedding night in bed with our clothes still on?
>> Katie: No. That we'd have a wedding. A real one, with real guests and real presents. This one's from Nancy Hughes.
>> Simon: Okay, and this one here is from me.
>> Katie: Don't you want to see what's inside?
>> Simon: No, I don't.
>> Katie: A blender. Simon, I've always wanted one of these.
>> Simon: Why? What for?
>> Katie: To blend things. And look, a recipe book and everything.
>> Simon: Okay, I tell you what -- why don't we blend our wedding day with our wedding night and get this honeymoon started.
>> Katie: Um -- I have a great idea.
>> Simon: So did I. It's right here.
>> Katie: No, I'll be right back.
>> Simon: Katie! [ Sighs ] At least I know I'll never be bored.

Scene 2:
Scene: Simon & Katie's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Mmm, you are gonna love my frozen daiquiris. And tomorrow, I'm gonna get some fresh tomatoes. I'm gonna make you zesty blend salsa.
>> Simon: I'm starting to get appliance envy. Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. Hi, I'm the guy who said, "I do." Nice to meet you.
>> Katie: Oh, and you looked so sweet saying it.
>> Simon: Really?
>> Katie: Mm-hmm.
>> Simon: I'll tell you what, then. I don't think there's any guru in the entire that wouldn't say that we should make love right now to make our marriage real.
>> Katie: And we will. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making sweet, passionate love to you.
>> Simon: Then let's get started.
>> Katie: After I make you something with our brand-new blender.
>> Simon: Oh, Katie.
>> Katie: Please! Nothing says marriage like a blender. This is the ultimate wedding gift.
>> Simon: Okay, not even that?
>> Katie: We wore these for an entire year, and it didn't mean anything. That's why no one gave us anything, 'cause they knew that it wasn't real. But now we have a blender. And I wanna make something for my husband, because he really is officially my husband now.
>> Simon: Well, you know, one day we're gonna have a lot of things, and you can make me whatever you want. And I'm gonna go for it all -- your zesty salsa, your crock-pot chicken. But right now, the only thing I want to make is sweet, sweet love to you.
>> Katie: Simon?
>> Simon: Yes?
>> Katie: Do you think we'll really have a crock-pot?
>> Simon: Yes. We might even have a kitchen to put it in.
>> Katie: Ooh, with red and white gingham curtains and a stainless steel sink?
>> Simon: I tell you what -- why don't we decorate this bedroom first with our clothes?
>> Katie: No. Since we don't have a kitchen yet and we don't even have anywhere to live, will you please just indulge me and let me make you a daiquiri? Because it would make me so happy. I've never felt so married.
>> Simon: Ahh! Okay, sure. You can make a daiquiri.
>> Katie: Okay.
>> Simon: But don't mind me. I'm just gonna stand here and make sure none of it gets on your robe, here.
>> Katie: Okay. Mmm. We need just a little more rum. And some more strawberries -- okay, and some you.
[ Blender whirs ]

Scene 3:
Scene: Katie & Simon's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Okay, you are now officially daiquiri-free. Except, except, come here.
Delicious, Mrs. Frasier. I can't wait to taste what else you've got.
>> Katie: Who knew cooking could be so much fun?
>> Simon: Oh, Katie. Let the honeymoon commence. [ Knock at the door ] Go away! We are newlyweds! Yeah.
>> Katie: Wait, wait, wait. I was expecting this.
>> Simon: Expecting what on our wedding night?
>> Katie: Lily said she was gonna try to get an advanced copy.
>> Simon: A copy of what?
>> Katie: Tomorrow's paper. It was gonna be a surprise. The society editor said that we couldn't really be getting married since we already were married, but I told her, yes, we could, and so she said when, and I said, "I don't know." So, it's supposed to be a surprise and -- yes, here it is! "At Luther's Corners, Mr. and Mrs. Simon Frasier were married today. It is a second marriage for both of them to each other." Isn't that sweet?
>> Simon: Oh, so sweet.
>> Katie: "The groom has been married four other times, all ending in divorce."
>> Simon: Katie?
>> Katie: What?
>> Simon: I really wish you didn't do this.

Scene 4:
Scene: Katie & Simon's Room

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: What is it? Is there something wrong with my announcement?
>> Simon: No, no, it's just -- look, I'm not very proud of my past. Okay? And seeing it all here in black and white, I just -- I just don't think it was a very good idea to publicize our marriage.
>> Katie: Whatever happened before we fell in love doesn't matter.
>> Simon: No. No, taking advantage of those women was wrong. And anyone reading this might think that our marriage is a sham, okay, like those other ones. I don't want be the cause of any -- any gossip, or anything else that might hurt you.
>> Katie: I don't care what people say. Unless you --
>> Simon: Unless what? Unless I what?
>> Katie: No. I'm not going to ask you this.
>> Simon: No, no, come here, come here. We're married, Katie. We have a blender. You can ask me anything.
>> Katie: Okay. Are you really afraid that people will talk? Or are you afraid that you and I will end up like all your other marriages did?
>> Simon: Okay, listen to me. Katie? Look, I believe in our marriage. There is no way you're going to end up like those other women, because I'm not the same man.
>> Katie: I just thought that you would be so proud of that announcement. And when you weren't, it was like you weren't proud us and of our marriage.
>> Simon: No, no, it's not that. I was upset. I'm upset. I'm upset at myself, not you.
>> Katie: But what if you get angry some day, and our marriage and our vows and our blender and everything we have isn't enough to keep you here, and you leave?
>> Simon: I'm not going to leave you ever. For no reason will I ever leave you. We are married for life. You know? And a couple of lamps and a kitchen appliance didn't make that happen, you did. Katie, you changed me into someone who could love enough to make a commitment, and I made that to you today, forever.
>> Katie: I've just never had anything like this before, a relationship that isn't going to disappear.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, we're both pretty inexperienced in this department. So that's why we have to learn together.
>> Katie: But what if --
>> Simon: What? No. Look, I have been married five times, yes. But you are my first wife. No matter what we've been or we haven't been, that's all in the past. And it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is right now, the present and the future -- our future, our amazing future.
>> Katie: Oh, wait.
>> Simon: No, no, no.
>> Katie: I just have to change into my pretty outfit.
>> Simon: You shouldn't be changing, you should be taking things off.
>> Katie: Oh, no, no. I have to, have to. It's good luck. My numerologist said it has just the right number of buttons. And my feng shui consultant says it's just the right
color. And don't worry, because my astrologist says that romance comes to those who wait.
>> Simon: It better. Hurry back.
[Simon looks at the newspaper, then angrily ball it up.]

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December, 2001