EPISODE 8/07/06
Simon All Wet?

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August, 2006


MONDAY, AUGUST 7, 2006

Scene 1:
Location: Mid-air
Scene: Frasier Jet

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER

>> Simon: You are now free to move about the cabin. So, why did you change your mind about joining me?
>> Carly: Well, you did beg.
>> Simon: Oh. Did I?
>> Carly: Well, maybe more whining than begging -- about how you couldn't impress those investors without me.
>> Simon: Oh, so here you are, you've come to my rescue.
>> Carly: Tough job, but you did you say that we'd be staying at a five-star hotel, right?
>> Simon: Well, it is kind of risky. I mean, once your almost-ex finds out where you are and who you're with, he's going to be little bit annoyed. >> Carly: You think?
>> Simon: Oh, is that the goal?
>> Carly: Listen, Jack waltzed into my house and removed my children without even telling me. That annoyed the hell out of me. And it's his turn.
>> Simon: So you're officially free of all maternal responsibilities?
>> Carly: Yeah. Emma has the kids and she knows where I'm going and when I get there I'll tell her what hotel I'm at and I'll give her the number and we won't be gone long --
>> Simon: Carly, Carly, Carly, it's gonna be fine. Listen, you deserve the break.
>> Carly: Yeah, I think so too. So, now are you going to pour that champagne or just wave the bottle around?
>> Simon: All right. So, what are we drinking to?
>> Carly: Style, glamour, wealth and fame?
>> Simon: All of the above.
>> Carly: Ooh! Ohh!
[ Carly is covered with champagne. ]


Scene 2:
Location: Mid-air
Scene: Frasier Jet

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER

[ Carly returns wearing a captain' coat. ]
>> Simon: Wow. Were you that eager to come with me that you neglected to pack?
>> Carly: As I recall, I think that your sales pitch for this trip including a shopping trip, right?
>> Simon: Oh, why bother when it looks so good on you.
>> Carly: Well, don't get used to it, slick. No, no, no. This time I will pour.
>> Simon: So you really didn't mention this trip to Jack?
>> Carly: No. Emma knows where I am, I guess she'll tell him if he asks. What about you? Did you tell Katie?
>> Simon: No, no.
>> Carly: But if you'd known I was coming --
>> Simon: I may have dropped a hint or two. I mean, us dumped ex-spouses have our pride, too.
>> Carly: Oh.
>> Simon: What?
>> Carly: Well, you're not making Katie jealous, and I'm not making Jack jealous. So, I guess this is a real business trip.
>> Simon: Imagine that.
[ Glasses clang ]


Scene 3:
Location: New York
Scene: Carly's Hotel Room

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER

>> Carly: I'm in New York. And I'm having fun! And Jack's going to hate this. "Your new wardrobe has been delivered and unpacked -- enjoy. Simon." Oh! And shoes! Oh, the man has taste. Oh, ohh! And nerve. The man's got a lot of nerve. Simon Frasier's room, please. Hey, Simon, hi -- it's me. Where are you? I just wanted to tell you that I got your note and the gifts -- and thank you. It's the nicest thing anybody's done for me in a really long time.
[ Knocking on door ]
>> Simon: Carly, open up.
>> Carly: Hi. Come in I just called and left a message --
>> Simon: My plumbing sprung a leak! My room is completely flooded!
>> Carly: Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
>> Simon: Pardon me while I wring out my shoes.
>> Carly: Uh! Well, you're going to get another room.
>> Simon: Oh, yeah, I got one. This one. I like the left side of the bed.


Scene 4:
Location: New York
Scene: Carly's Hotel Room

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER

>> Carly: You staged a flood so you would have an excuse to share a room with me.
>> Simon: Ah, listen, I think I would have come up with something way better than that.
>> Carly: Wait -- what do you think you're doing?
>> Simon: I told you. My room's flooded. My pant cuffs are completely soaked.
>> Carly: I get it. I get it.
>> Simon: What? All right, what are you doing?
>> Carly: Well I'm making sure that some photographer doesn't happen to pop in here and take some incriminating photographs. That's what this is all about, isn't it?
>> Simon: No, it's not. This is not a trick. It's not a ploy. It's just a very fluky thing that happened, that's it.
>> Carly: No, no, no, no, no -- you make things happen, Simon. You manipulate everything and everybody -- just like you got me to go to the Lakeview to try and get Katie jealous. This is exactly the same thing!
>> Simon: It's not the same -- it's not! Look, my room is beyond use and it was the last available one. Call down to the front desk if you don't believe me. Give them a ring.
>> Carly: I will. Well you bribed them anyway, didn't you?
[ Simon sighs ] So that when I call them, they're going to tell me exactly what you told them to tell me.
>> Simon: Hmm, now why didn't I think of that? Oh, I know why. 'Cause it's not the truth!
>> Carly: Simon, I am not sharing this room with you.
>> Simon: So I guess showering together is out of the question then, huh? All right, I'll go first. Listen, dinner in an hour, and it's hot outside, so -- you know what? Come as you are.


Scene 5:
Location: New York
Scene: Carly's Hotel Room

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER

>> Simon: Any luck finding another room?
>> Carly: No, I didn't find a single one in Manhattan.
>> Simon: That's a shame.
>> Carly: I did find onein the Bronx, though.
>> Simon: Hey, that's good news. Hey, listen we'd better get moving. I'm taking you to a very elegant place for dinner.
>> Carly: You are?
>> Simon: Yep. Dinner, theater and dancing, and then I'll put you in a cab back to the hotel room in the Bronx.


Scene 6:
Location: New York
Scene: Carly's Hotel Room

SIMON FRASIER, CARLY SNYDER, JACK SNYDER

>> Simon: This really is some lovely stuff I got you. Say thank you, Carly.
>> Carly: Go to hell, Simon!
>> Simon: But how are you going to get it all up to the Bronx? Oh, you know what? I'll buy you a designer duffel in the gift shop.
>> Carly: I am not going to a hotel in the Bronx. You are!
>> Simon: Sorry!
[ Loud rock music plays ] Can't hear you! Come on, let's go!
>> Carly: What?!
[ Carly's cell phone rings ]
[ Music volume lowers ]
>> Simon: Hello?
[ Jack is startled. ]

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August, 2006