EPISODE 8/9/00
Celia Threatens To Kill Simon And Lily

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August, 2000


WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 9, 2000

Scene 1:
Place: Deserted island off the North Carolina coast - Atlantic Ocean.

Location: The cave.

SIMON FRASIER AND CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER

[Rain and thunder.]

[Simon Frasier and Lily Snyder see Celia sleeping and think it is a perfect time to escape.]

[Gun shot.]

>> Celia: You idiots! You fools! How dare you betray me! I knew it, but I just had to see for myself. I had to see who you'd pick. You picked her again! This is the last time you'll ever betray me.

Scene 2:
Location: The cave.

CELIA FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER

>> Celia: Move away from her. Move away. I'm your sister, Simon. What can she do for you that I can't? I have the diamond. Why are you being such a fool?
>> Lily: Tying us up? Making us feel like we have a chance? What kind of sick joke is that? What is the matter with you?
>> Simon: Don't start, Lily, arguing. You'll make it worse.
>> Lily: I can't help it. She's a nut!
>> Celia: If I'm a nut, you're dead!
>> Simon: Celia, please. Look, I'm the one you're mad at. I'm the one that let you down, all right? This has got nothing to do with Lily. This is between you and me.
>> Celia: Are you suggesting I shoot you instead of that worthless piece of filth?
>> Simon: Look, why kill Lily? Look at her. She can't even hurt you.
>> Celia: Because she annoys me. And because I'm marooned with her because of your incompetence.
>> Lily: You're the one who shot out the radio. If you hadn't done that, we'd all have a chance.
>> Celia: And if you had killed the hermit guy, he wouldn't have taken off in my plane.
>> Lily: You need me.
>> Celia: Where have I heard that line before?
>> Lily: I can fix the radio, Celia.
>> Celia: Oh, you can, can you?
>> Lily: Yes, I can, because I own a television station. I'm the only one here who's familiar with transmitters. Unless you want to give it a try.
>> Celia: It won't work. It's full of holes.
>> Lily: Maybe's there's replacement parts down at Cooley's hut. At least let me take a look at the radio. What have you got to lose?
>> Simon: Celia, Celia, listen to her. Lily's right. She's the one who put the whole works together. Please. For all of us, just let her have a go at it.
>> Celia: I don't know. You seem awfully eager to get me rescued, the two of you.
>> Lily: It's called survival. If you get off this island, we live.
>> Celia: Well, that's a nice, optimistic thought, isn't it? All right, go on, then. Look at it. See what you can do. Ah- ah-ah, just Lily. You know, you're so obvious, Simon. Why are you being so obvious? All your plotting and your planning, to accomplish what? To attack me? To kill me?
>> Simon: I never wanted to kill you, Celia.
>> Celia: But you would, wouldn't you? To save her.
>> Simon: You think I like this? You and I on opposite sides? Come on, you were always the most important person in my life, and you know that. You led, I followed. Bikes, horses, planes, you chased adventure everywhere, and I was just there, yapping at your heels, thrilled, absolutely thrilled that you would even let me bask in your shadow.
>> Celia: We had a good time, yes. But all that abruptly changed when you became the heir.
>> Simon: What, come on, you think I asked for that?
>> Celia: No, but you didn't hand it over. What you did was make me believe that we were on the same team, and then you betrayed me.
>> Simon: Look, for the land, Celia, yes. For our ancestors. I owe you. I know that. But I couldn't just let that go.
>> Celia: I thought -- I just thought you loved me.
>> Simon: I do. I do, but we can work this out, Celia. That diamond is worth millions. We can all share it. All right? Just -- just put the gun down.
>> Celia: Just -- just put the gun down? Tell your girlfriend to put that machete down!

Scene 3:
Location: The cave.

CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Celia: Subtlety isn't your strong suit, Lily. I know what you're thinking, "Am I faster than she is? Can I kill her before she kills him?" Tough one, isn't it?
>> Lily: Just put the gun down, Celia.
>> Celia: This is a good one for you, Simon. Who wins in a stand-off?
>> Simon: The one who cares the least?
>> Celia: Yeah, well, you care about her, she cares about you, and I don't care about anybody.
>> Simon: Just do it, Lily. Call her bluff.
>> Lily: Just put down the gun, Celia.
>> Simon: Do it, Lily!
>> Celia: I won't miss!
>> Simon: Do it, Lily!
>> Celia: I won't miss! Ain't I good? Here. Throw it in the water. Now! Now! Of all the Sheilas you could have found, you found one with a conscience, you stupid fool. Well, I guess better luck next time. Of course, if there is a next time. I think you're running out of time. Stand next to him.
>> Simon: Just let her go.
>> Celia: Back to her heavenly maker? Gladly.
>> Simon: Look, I'll stay here with you, all right? I'll do anything you want.
>> Celia: Really?
>> Simon: Yeah, I'll even help you.
>> Celia: Really? And loathsome Lil' will go to the other side of the island, never to darken our homey cave again?
>> Simon: Yeah, sure, if that's what you want.
>> Celia: I have always known that you were worth saving. But she -- she was bait, Simon. That's all she ever was. And you went for it.
>> Simon: And what would you have done, given the same choices, huh? Who would you have trusted, Celia?
>> Celia: You. I would have trusted you. I've always trusted you. But you have hurt me so deeply, so deeply. Don't! That I have to protect myself from you. This is the last time that you will ever be able to turn your back on me.
>> Simon: Just listen -- just listen to some reason here, Celia. We are all stuck here. Why kill us?
>> Celia: I don't know. More room for me. Maybe it'll be fun.
>> Lily: But messy. You have a perfectly good cave here. All the amenities. You'll have decomposing bodies --
>> Celia: If you must know, I'm gonna wait till the storm ends take you out there --
>> Simon: No, no, no, no, why bother? Let's do it now. Come on!
>> Celia: Do you think I'd leave myself that vulnerable? How stupid do you think I am? The two of you traipsing through a jungle in the middle of a storm?
>> Lily: Well, then, just let us go!
>> Celia: Do know how much I hate this? I shouldn't be babbling with you about how to dispose of your stupid hides. I should be in a suite at the Ritz, counting my money.
>> Simon: Exactly. That's true. So killing us is only going to make things more difficult for you right here and now. Hey, what are you gonna do for food and sustenance once you've done us in?
>> Celia: I can fend for myself, unlike your helpless little girlie over there.
>> Lily: You drop that gun. I'll show you how helpless I am.
>> Simon: Hey, Sis, when was the last time you had a good meal, huh? Fresh steamed fish and mangoes. They sound pretty good right about now, don't they?
>> Celia: Yeah, sure do. I'll have a great feast after you're gone. Bye, kiddies!
>> Simon: Don't shoot! Not yet. Just let us live long enough for -- to let me to see how you can provide for yourself.
>> Celia: What is this? I can fish.
>> Simon: Yeah, yeah, sure you can, with a pole, in a lake, maybe. But this is the Atlantic. The fish don't just run up and surrender on the beach. You have to spear them, Celia.
>> Celia: All right, all right, all right, all right, maybe you could be useful. All right, go get the food then. Go on.
>> Celia: Ah-ah-ah! She stays here with me.
>> Simon: I need her. I need her, Celia, to help us haul things back to the cave.
>> Celia: Do you think I'm the village idiot? Oh, no, I'm not! That's your title. This one stays with me as security. Okay? So that you, my dear brother, don't decide to go for a long swim.
>> Lily: You're gonna let him go out there now in that storm?
>> Celia: Your point, Dearie?
>> Lily: Would you rather him get struck by lightning in the ocean or in the jungle?
>> Celia: Wherever.
>> Lily: Celia, if he dies, you don't live. You can't eat.
>> Celia: I've got you. Get out.
>> Simon: No. Stay here.
>> Celia: You've just been given a second chance. Don't blow it. >> Lily: I'll be all right. Don't worry.
>> Celia: Now! All right, will you? Well, that remains to be seen, doesn't it?

Scene 4:
Location: The cave.

CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER

>> Celia: That bed was hard as a rock. So make sure there are no sharp edges when you're finished.
>> Lily: You call me the princess?
>> Celia: And no lip out of you, all right? If I have to be stuck here without any of the finer things and without anyone to talk to except perhaps the dumbest person on the face of the earth --
>> Lily: You're the one that dumped us here! If it wasn't for you, we'd be home right now in our warm, comfortable beds.
>> Celia: Well, you don't have to worry about your warm, comfortable bed, Mrs. Snyder. It's being well tended.
>> Lily: If you're going to start about Holden, don't bother, because I don't believe anything that you say.
>> Celia: You don't believe those photographs, huh? Well, then I'll just have to tell you about the first time I ran into your husband.
>> Lily: Don't bother.
>> Celia: Let's see. We were at a restaurant. What was it called again? The Mona Lisa. That's right. The Mona Lisa. He and I had a wonderful chat over quite a few drinks. Very handsome man. But he started to talk about how wonderful his wife was this, how terrific she wife was that. Obviously, madly in love. I became quite jealous. And then who should waltz in to warm his cockles, but the wife in question -- you? No, of course it wasn't you. It was that sexy showgirl, Rose D'Angelo. You should have seen them kiss hello.
>> Lily: You're lying!
>> Celia: All right, so you don't believe the photographs and you don't believe me. What to do? What to do? Let's see. Have you noticed you haven't been rescued?
>> Lily: You dropped us in the middle of nowhere.
>> Celia: You're not that far off the beaten track. It's just nobody's looking for you. Not your hubby, not your friends and not your mogul mother. Because they all believe you're right there in Oakdale with them. In fact, nobody misses the real Lily one little bit.
>> Lily: Shut up!
>> Celia: Getting a little testy, are we? Come on, honey, give me a reason to take a piece of you out!
>> Lily: You are the most selfish, horrible, evil human being I've ever met in my life. You're so obsessed with that diamond, you don't have anybody. You don't have family. No lover -- your own brother doesn't even like you!
>> Celia: Oh, don't you worry. I've had plenty of lovers.
>> Lily: Who would want you? Attila the Hun is dead and the devil -- he's too nice for you.
>> Celia: I was going to spare you this, but I've even had your husband!
>> Lily: That's good. Very good.
>> Celia: And not only did we make love, but he told me I was the best he'd ever had.
>> Lily: Was that when you were hanging on the chandelier on Mars? It's a good one.
>> Celia: No, in your bed! What? You don't believe me? We got so wild that we even broke your little crystal cat that was sitting on your bedside table.
>> Lily: How do you know about that?
>> Celia: And you know what I regret? That we didn't bust the wooden carved one as well!
>> Lily: My bedroom?
>> Celia: And when Holden and I were finished doing the horizontal rumba together, we got up and we walked in and kissed your little cherubs good night.
>> Lily: If you hurt my children -- if you ever touch them, I swear --
>> Celia: There was little Faith cuddling her little blue bunny! And there was sweet Luke sitting curled up in his soccer shirt!

[Gun shots.]

>> Celia: No! Get off me!

Scene 5:
Location: The cave.

CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER

>> Celia: Give me my gun! Oh! You -- give me --
>> Lily: Oh! No!
>> Celia: Give it to me! You --

[Lily and Celia struggling]

>> Lily: All right! All right! You want to kill me? Go right ahead. Go right ahead! You kill me. I swear to you, if you touch to my children, I will come back from the depths of hell just to make you pay!
>> Celia: Well, you make room for me, honey.

Scene 6:
Location: The cave.

CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER

[Thunder rumbles.]
>> Celia: No! No!
>> Simon: What's going on here? Looks like we're even, Sis.

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August, 2000