EPISODE 8/15/00
Simon Gets The Diamond Back

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August, 2000


TUESDAY, AUGUST 15, 2000

Scene 1:
Place: Deserted island off of the North Carolina coast - Atlantic Ocean.

Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRAISER

>> Simon: Lily?
>> Lily: The fire's started. How many fish did you catch?
>> Simon: What's wrong with your hands?
>> Lily: Nothing, nothing. Could you check out the berries and make sure they're not poisonous.
>> Simon: Let me see. Let me see please.
>> Lily: It's nothing.
>> Simon: I'm not gonna let you go until you let me have a look please.
>> Lily: It's -- it's nothing. They're just callouses.
>> Simon: Do they hurt?
>> Lily: Where's Celia?
>> Simon: She's out there cursing the isle and sifting through the sand trying to find that gun.
>> Lily: You don't think she'll find it, do you?
>> Simon: Look, it's already been marinated in the hot spring. We've got nothing to worry about. You know, the thing I think that really got her that you -- that you beat her in a fist fight. I had no idea that you were the world mud wrestling champion. Come on, just talk to me.
>> Lily: What?
>> Simon: Look, I know they're not really funny, but you've either laugh at my jokes or tell me what's bothering you. Please.
>> Lily: I don't recognize my hands anymore. They don't feel the same. They don't look the same. And it gets harder and harder to remember what my children's faces feel like -- what it felt like to hold my husband's hand. I've been sitting here trying to figure out how long we've been here -- how many days has it been since Celia dropped us on this island? Is it August? Have I missed my birthday? Have I missed Faith's birthday? Am I ever going to read a book again to my children? Am I ever gonna drive a car? Am I ever just gonna sit around and have a cup of tea and talk about nothing?
>> Simon: Of course you will. You are going to do all those things.
>> Lily: There is no "Of course" anymore. This my life now -- here on this island with you.

Scene 2:
Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRAISER

>> Simon: Come on, mate. You're not giving up on me now -- not when we are so close to getting out of here.
>> Lily: You don't have to try to make me feel better, Simon.
>> Simon: Look, I'm not. I'm not. I'm -- I'm -- I'm not. I'm just reminding you of the facts.
>> Lily: Like what?
>> Simon: Like our not-so-dead hermit. He took Celia's plane, all right. Celia's broke, remember? So I doubt that she rented it. She may have borrowed it. But more than likely, it's probably stolen.
>> Lily: Stolen.
>> Simon: Exactly. Whichever way, it works for us. Because somebody has gotta be looking for that plane. All right? Now after all the years that that guy has spent marooned on this island dodging the authorities, can you imagine that he's really itching to spend the rest of his life in prison?
>> Lily: So he'll tell the authorities about us.
>> Simon: To save his hide -- in a flash. So where do you think he's headed?
>> Lily: I don't know. And I don't care. I don't care if you told me that just to make me feel better. Thank you. (Lily and Simon hug)

CELIA FRASIER WALKS INTO THE CAVE

>> Celia: Ohhh, well, what's good for the gander is good for the goose, eh, Lily? And why not? Your husband's getting it on. So should you.
>> Lily: No, even you can't annoy me anymore, Celia.
>> Celia: Simon, you still got your touch with sweet nothings.
>> Simon: Give it up, Celia.
>> Celia: No, she's so much happier after moping around all day. And that's understandable, too, since her husband's found a new life and a new love with Rambling Rose.
>> Lily: You better watch what you say, Celia. You don't have your gun anymore.
>> Celia: She sounds positively chirpy. What ever did you do? Oh, I know. Did you tell her that she's gonna be rescued? Oh, you are good playing house with the princess of naivete.
>> Simon: Oh, just shut up. Shut up, Celia!
>> Celia: You're right.
>> Simon: Will ya?
>> Celia: You're absolutely right. You're right. Forget I said that. Don't you worry your little head about anything. In fact, you can stay in that dream world of yours as long as you like.
>> Simon: Just shut up, all right? Celia, just shut up and go away. Why don't you just leave?
>> Celia: Just be social.
>> Simon: Look, we're all stuck here trying to co-exist. All right? And I am so sick of hearing your pathetic drivel. So we're gonna set some terms.
>> Celia: I love it when you're this forceful.
>> Simon: Since you are basically useless, you're gonna be dependent on us for food and water.
>> Celia: Is that so?
>> Simon: Go and get your own water. There's a lagoon about a mile north. But it's getting pretty dark, so you'd better hurry.
>> Celia: All right, I'll lay off your lady friend here. Will that satisfy you?
>> Simon: No, not even close.
>> Celia: Well then, dear brother, please tell me what is your fondest wish?
>> Simon: To drop you in the ocean and leave you for dead, like you did to us.
>> Celia: Well, we can't always have what we want.
>> Simon: Can't we?
>> Celia: You're bluffing.
>> Simon: Am I?
>> Celia: Oh, you said something about terms?
>> Simon: Yeah, I need some insurance you won't find some other pathetic way to kill us while we're in our sleep.
>> Celia: You gonna tie me up?
>> Simon: I want the diamond back.
>> Celia: I bet you want the diamond back.
>> Simon: When we are rescued or we get outta here, then we'll return it.
>> Celia: Yeah, like I really believe you on that one.
>> Simon: But while we are here, it stays with me.
>> Celia: I'm not giving you the diamond.
>> Simon: Really? You know, that's just what I'd hope you'd say. So just get out and don't starve to death. Get out.

SIMON PUSHES CELIA OUT OF THE CAVE

>> Lily: Simon -- what was that all about?
>> Simon: It wouldn't have worked unless she believed that I'd really let her die.
>> Lily: Would you?
>> Simon: What do you think?
>> Lily: Why did you ask her for the diamond?
>> Simon: To protect you. Long as she doesn't have the diamond, then she can't harm us.
>> Lily: All right.
>> Simon: Oh, come on. Look, I know you think I'm a cheat and a liar. But to honestly believe that I would murder my own sister -
>> Lily: I am just -- I'm confused. I thought all this talk about the diamond was over with. And then you just seem so cold.
>> Simon: Yeah. So how could you not think the worst of me, huh?
>> Lily: I'm sorry.
>> Simon: Don't bother. If I convinced you, let's just -- let's just hope I convinced Celia as well -- for all our sakes.

Scene 3:
Location: The cave.

LILY WALSH SNYDER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Lily: Might need this.
>> Simon: Thanks.
>> Lily: Are you okay?
>> Simon: Look, I'll still figure a way to get us outta here, Lily, like I promised. That's what's important now, not the diamond.

CELIA ENTERS WITH THE DIAMOND

>> Celia: All right, here. You've got what you want! Now give me something to eat because I'm paying enough for it.
>> Lily: Simon and I -- we spent all day looking for food. That took you about five, six minutes to fetch.
>> Celia: Tell her to keep a lid on it, Simon.
>> Lily: What are you gonna do to me? You gonna shoot me, Celia?
>> Celia: If I have to watch my mouth, she does, too.
>> Simon: Keep an eye on her, will ya, Lily, while I go and hide this?

SIMON LEAVES TO HIDE THE DIAMOND

>> Celia: Do you really think he's gonna take you with him when he figures out a way to get out of this sandbox?
>> Lily: He won't abandon me, no.
>> Celia: What does he need you for, huh? He's got the diamond now. In fact, he's probably figuring out a way to hightail it outta here and leave both of us to die. I grew up with this guy. I know this man. So I'm not surprised. But you -- you, you poor thing. I think you're destined to be brokenhearted. I really do.
>> Lily: I'm so tired of your innuendoes and your comments. I'm gonna set you straight.
>> Celia: Please do.
>> Lily: We are partners, not sexual playmates. We are stuck here on this island because of some bizarre circumstances which include you. And we are smart enough to realize that if we stick together, we have a better chance of survival. That is all that is going on between us.
>> Celia: Good. Well, here's my prediction. As long as he is infatuated with you, Lily, then you do stand a chance. But, once this little adventure is over with, I should be long gone, he should be in parts unknown. And you, my dear, are gonna be left right here on this island -- the lone inhabitant of this wonderful, tropical nightmare. You'll see. Mark my words.

SIMON ENTERS THE CAVE

>> Simon: What's going on?
>> Lily: Dinner's almost ready.
>> Simon: Good. Good, let's eat and get some sleep.
>> Celia: Yeah. I think in the name of friendship, we should just get to know each other better. Well, come on, I mean, we know everything about Lily's life -- all about her husband tossing her off for a cheap look-alike. But really, what does she know about you, Simon?
>> Simon: Well, with your gun gone, the only weapon is your mouth now, isn't it, Celia?
>> Celia: I just want to strengthen that tribal bond we've got going.
>> Simon: Drop it, Celia.
>> Celia: Come on. Come on, Lovey. I'm just getting started.

Scene 4:
Location: The cave.

CELIA FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER

>> Celia: Isn't this nice? You see, my brother is the restless type -- always trying to find himself. Six months as a firefighter in New Zealand. And then there was a year on an Oil Rig in the North Atlantic and the whole two years in construction in Sudan.
>> Simon: Is there a point to all this, Celia?
>> Celia: Don't get defensive. I love bragging about you. And in every port of call, he has the certain collection of damsels in distress, like the runaway heiresses and then the aging wives who hang on his every word.
>> Lily: This is really none of my business.
>> Celia: Oh, but it is. You need to know the type of man that you've entangled yourself with.
>> Simon: That's enough, Celia.
>> Celia: And now he plans to take my diamond and save the family estate. How touching. How noble. Although that won't last -- because he'll get bored of living on a sheep farm after a year or so and he'll let it go to rot, just like our daddy did because they're just the same. They're both losers.
>> Lily: What are you doing? This is your brother you're talking about. Simon is a good person. He's one of the finest men that I've ever known.
>> Celia: That's a pretty glowing tribute. And from you? How did you put it? You hadn't got a thought about Simon beyond your own survival. Obviously, that's not true.

Scene 5:
Location: The cave.

SIMON FRASIER AND CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER

>> Simon: You are playing a very dangerous game here, Celia.
>> Celia: Any port in a storm, you see -- that's my brother's motto. He's just using you!
>> Simon: I am so sick of you! You are depraved, and you are pathetic! You wanna know why I kept running away as a kid -- to get away from you. Now you have got one choice here. You get outta here, or you shut up!
>> Celia: And what are you gonna do to stifle me, huh? You gonna gag me? Or you gonna vote me off this island?
>> Simon: Oh, whatever -- whatever it takes.
>> Celia: Oh, I understand. You just want some time alone with your island princess. I understand.
>> Simon: This is between you and me, Celia.
>> Celia: What's the matter? Are you frustrated, huh? No wicki-wicki for Gilligan? Is Maryann not puttin' out?
>> Simon: Just get outta here! Get out!
[Celia yells.]

Scene 6:
Location: The cave.

SIMON FRASIER AND CELIA FRASIER AND LILY WALSH SNYDER
>> Simon: Get out.
>> Celia: What are you gonna do -- beat me into submission?
>> Simon: I'll do whatever it takes. Now get out.
>> Celia: No, no! If I'm not here -- you can't throw me out there! Where am I gonna live?
>> Simon: There's a hut over the hill. It's empty. Now get out.
>> Celia: Please, Simon, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was scared. I was hurt. I said some terrible things I didn't mean. I'm really sorry! Please! I'll cook. I'll clean. I'll carry my own weight! You'll never hear from me! I promise!
>> Lily: Talk to Simon. It's his decision.
>> Simon: Get out!
[ Celia screams ]
>> Celia: You want war? Okay, baby. You got it!
>> Simon: Get out. (Celia leaves) So now you know everything about me.
>> Lily: Is it all true?
>> Simon: Yeah, more or less.
>> Lily: The past is in the past. This is now.
>> Simon: So it is.
>> Lily: You're the only person that I can count on. I want you to be straight with me. I have to be able to believe in you.
>> Simon: Look, I swear, Lily, you can. I'm gonna get you off this island, all right? I'll die trying.

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August, 2000