EPISODE 4/25/02
Simon Plans A "Murder"

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April, 2002


THURSDAY, April 25, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: Simon, what are you doing here?
>> Simon: Looking for you. I thought when you didn't come home last night, you needed some space. And when you didn't show up this morning, I thought you might be waiting for an apology.
>> Katie: I don't want to talk about it.
>> Simon: Why not?
>> Katie: Because you want to kill me!
>> Simon: I want to pretend kill you.
>> Katie: Yeah, pretend, real, whatever -- either way, it freaks me out. And I'm not gonna do it. I won't do it.
>> Simon: Fine. All right.
>> Katie: What, that's it? Discussion exhausted already?
>> Simon: Yeah, sure.
>> Katie: Okay. Good. So everything goes back to normal. See how easy?
>> Simon: Yeah. Easy. Dahlia stays missing -- tomorrow or the next day, another vital clue will probably show up. Maybe her hairbrush in my sock drawer or one of her scarves in my glove box. And if I don't go to jail for killing Dahlia and Monique, then she'll probably come out of hiding to --
[ clicks tongue ] come straight after you.
>> Katie: Me? Why?
>> Simon: To put the final nail in my coffin. It'll probably start out as a near miss -- something to scare the life out of you -- a slip or a careless mistake. And if that doesn't work, then she'll -- she'll cut your brake lines, maybe you'll fall off a convenient cliff. You'll end up wounded, suspicious and if I'm extremely lucky, not dead! All because some psycho-witch wants to ruin my life.
>> Katie: Okay, hold on, Simon. What are you trying to get at?
>> Simon: If you think that I killed Dahlia and Monique, then the best thing I can do is to warn you to stay as far away from me as you possibly can. I'll deal with Dahlia somehow. But I am not gonna stand around and wait for you to wind up dead. Never.
>> Katie: Okay, wait! Simon, hold on, please. I would die for you. You know I will. I just need a few reassurances.
>> Simon: Like what?
>> Katie: Like I'll leave a beautiful corpse?

Scene 2:
Locaton: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER, JILL SCULLY

>> Simon: Okay, the perfect spot for a murder -- how about the old mill?
>> Katie: No way! That place is supposedly haunted and last I heard, they found a corpse there.
>> Simon: Even better.
>> Katie: You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
>> Simon: I'm a method actor. All right. If I were a serial murderer out to do away with my sweet young spouse, I'd probably want to choose a quiet spot with a bad reputation, someplace that no one in their right mind would ever visit. Sorry.
>> Katie: First, could we just talk about what happens after the murder?
>> Simon: After the -- oh, yeah, you know when you end up -- dead, I'm gonna take a photograph, and Lucinda's gonna print it in the "City Times."
>> Katie: Really? Interesting. And you think Dahlia will just happen to see it?
>> Simon: Yeah. And Dahlia's gonna think that I'm the prime suspect, and she's gonna come out of hiding to send me to the chair.
>> Katie: Wow, you really have thought this out, haven't you?
>> Simon: All except when to do it. How's tonight for you?
>> Katie: I don't know. I'd have to check my palm pilot to see what was the best night to die.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, the sooner the better.
>> Katie: What are you looking at?
>> Simon: I'm just trying to figure out the best way to kill you.
>> Katie: Sure sign the honeymoon's over.
[ Simon laughs ]
>> Simon: I know -- how about I stab you to death?
>> Katie: Are you -- oh, yeah, that's a great idea. Fake blood, ripped clothes. It'll totally look ridiculously fake, and we're not doing that.
>> Simon: Yeah, you're right.
>> Katie: How about a nice, quiet poisoning?
>> Simon: No, no. It's too hard to sell in a photograph. Uh --
>> Katie: And I guess killing me with kindness is out of the question. You know what? I have a new scarf. We could probably --
>> Simon: Scarf -- perfect! Strangulation! That is --
>> Katie: You like it?
>> Simon: I love it! You are so clever, I almost hate having to off you.
[ phone ringing ]
>> Katie: Oh. Hello?
>> Jill: Hello, Katie Frasier, please?
>> Katie: This is she.
>> Jill: Katie, this is Jill Scully, the attorney for Simon's late wife?
>> Katie: Yes, how could I forget? How could I forget a lawyer who drops a big check into my husband's lap, yes?
>> Jill: Listen, I'm gonna get right to the point, Katie. Your life is in danger.
>> Katie: I -- beg your pardon?
>> Jill: Can you meet me at a restaurant called the Mona Lisa?
>> Katie: I don't know.
>> Jill: You have to. Your life depends on it. Meet me as soon as you can.
[ Dial tone ]
>> Simon: That was Jill Scully, Monique's lawyer? What did she want?
>> Katie: I think you'd better hurry up and kill me before I end up dead.

Scene 3:
Location: Lakeview Towers
Scene: Craig's Suite

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: So you think Jill was just trying to scare me?
>> Simon: I don't know what she wants. But we're gonna find out.
>> Katie: How?
>> Simon: If she wants to ruin my life, then she's gonna have to deal with me. You stay here.
>> Katie: Wha -- and do what?
>> Simon: Prepare to die, my sweet. All right, I think I've got everything I need for your photo -- camera, film, gloves.
>> Katie: Gloves? Why do you need gloves?
>> Simon: Incriminating evidence. One to leave at the scene of the crime.
>> Katie: You know what? We should probably just call Margo, just in case you end up in jail for real.
>> Simon: I'm not gonna go to jail because no one's getting murdered.
>> Katie: Right. Are you sure this is gonna work?
>> Simon: If all goes well with Jill, then I'm gonna be able to prove that Dahlia's still calling the shots, therefore, that Dahlia's still alive. And you and I can get back to being deliriously happy. Fingers crossed.
>> Katie: Okay, wait. Hold on.
[ Grabs Simon and kisses him ]
>> Katie: See you the old mill. I' be the one dressed to kill.

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April, 2002