EPISODE 4/13/01
Simon And Katie Move Into The Lakeview

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April, 2001


FRIDAY, APRIL 13, 2001

Scene 1:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Outside of Craig Montgomery's Suite

JENNIFER MUNSON AND BRYANT MONTGOMERY

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER APPROACH THEM

>> Katie: Hey, what are you guys doing here?
>> Bryant: Well, I was just about to ask you the same question. What's up with the baggage?
>> Katie: Well, Craig has invited us to live with him. He is my brother.
>> Bryant: Yeah, the same brother that already kicked you out once already
. >> Simon: It's just a business arrangement. That's all.
>> Bryant: Well, he's not here.
>> Katie: I know that. That's why he left the keys for us at the front desk before he left for New York.
>> Bryant: New York?
>> Katie: Yeah.
>> Bryant: For how long?
>> Katie: Awhile. I don't know.
>> Jennifer: They left town?
>> Bryant: Well, we'll just have to hold out until they get back, that's all. In the meanwhile, at least we have the ammo ready to go. Come on. Have fun.
>> Katie: You, too.

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: What was that all about?
>> Katie: I don't know. He probably wanted permission to ask her to the senior prom.
Scene 2:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Inside Craig Montgomery's Penthouse

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Ouch.
>> Katie: Well?
>> Simon: Yeah, not bad at all. So it's all ours?
>> Katie: Well, technically, that's Craig's room. And our room is down that hall. Oh, after months in that greasy garage, I can't wait to take a bubble bath. Ooh!
>> Katie: Hello, room service. Yes, this is the Montgomery suite. I was wondering if you could send up two orders of that yummy Beef Wellington. Oh, yeah, but hold that pastry stuff that they put around it. And -- yes, yes. Shrimp cocktail and a bottle of champagne. All right? Thank you.
>> Simon: Well, you better be hungry enough to eat two dinners by yourself.
>> Katie: Why?
>> Simon: Because I got to go out. I got business.
>> Katie: What kind of business?
>> Simon: My business

Scene 3:

Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: So this business of yours -- is it for Craig?
>> Simon: Uh-uh, no.
>> Katie: All right, okay. I know the look. I'm late for my bubble bath anyway.
>> Simon: Ah, yes, good evening. As a matter of fact, there is something you could do. I need some assistance tracking down a woman. Yes. Yeah, a very beautiful woman.

Scene 4:

Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: [on the phone] Okay, all right. She's got auburn hair. She's about 5'8" and a Brazilian accent. And apparently, she likes to party long and hard.
>> Katie: All right, that's it.
>> Simon: What are you doing? That was a business call!
>> Katie: I know exactly what that call was.
>> Simon: Oh. All right, what now, Katie?
>> Katie: The jig is up, gigolo. Admit it. That party girl you were looking for -- she's in line to be Mrs. Frasier number six.

Scene 5:
Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

SIMON FRASIER AND KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Mrs. Frasier number six? All right, you lost me here. What are you talking about?
>> Katie: You know exactly what I'm talking about.
>> Simon: No, I don't, because the only two Mrs. Frasiers I know are -- okay, number one, my dear, departed mother and you.
>> Katie: I know all about it, Simon. You go around the world collecting wives. I was number five, and this auburn-haired Brazilian was gonna take my place.
>> Simon: That is the most ridic -- the woman I'm trying to track down, her name is Ruby. Your brother is paying me to find her.
>> Katie: Really?
>> Simon: Yes, and where did you get this nuts idea that I was wife-hunting?
>> Katie: It's not a nuts idea. Okay, so maybe this Ruby isn't gonna be number six. But I do know that there were four before me, and I can prove it.
>> Simon: Yeah, all right, yeah. Come on, I'd like to see you do that.
>> Katie: No problem. I've got copies of your four marriage certificates.
>> Simon: How did you get your hands on these?
>> Katie: I asked Henry to help me.
>> Simon: And what did he tell you? I asked you a question, Katie. What did he tell you?
>> Katie: That there were lots of women. Some you married and some you didn't, but all of them were filthy rich. So is it true, Simon?
>> Simon: Yeah. Yeah, it is, all of it.

Scene 6:

Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: So it's true. You do have a past.
>> Simon: Come on. Doesn't everybody?
>> Katie: Not one that includes four filthy-rich spouses. Oh, how could you do that, Simon? Just pretend that you loved these women so that you could have their money?
>> Simon: You're not gonna believe -- whatever. You can believe whatever you want. But I loved every single one of those women that I married.
>> Katie: Then why'd you leave them?
>> Simon: One of the -- what, you really want to know? All right, number one, she was unfaithful. Number two, insanely jealous. Do you want me go on?
>> Katie: No, because it would probably take forever, with four wives and seven engagements!
>> Simon: Seven?! Seven? Whoa, if that's what Sherlock Coleman told you, then you wasted whatever you gave out for his services. Because there was nowhere near that many!
>> Katie: All right, well, he also told me that there were warrants and lawsuits.
>> Simon: Yes, there were. Some of them used legal means to get revenge. Look, it's ancient history.
>> Katie: So you didn't take any money from any of them?
>> Simon: Listen -- would I really be here right now if I had robbed those poor women blind? Would I be here, working in a garage, moonlighting in a bar, working for your brother?
>> Katie: No. I guess not. But four wives --
>> Simon: Look, look at me. Look, I never claimed to be a saint. But come on, I'm not a gigolo, either. And if I was, I'd be doing a pretty lousy job of it, wouldn't I? Being married to someone who's just as broke as I am? Right?
>> Katie: Yeah, I guess that would be a pretty stupid move for a gigolo. And you're anything but stupid.
>> Simon: Thank you.
>> Katie: In fact, it took a lot of brains to do what you did -- keep that secret from everybody in town. Including Lily.
>> Simon: Yeah. I guess I did pull the wool over everybody's eyes, didn't I?
>> Katie: Well, don't you worry. Your secret is safe with me. I promise I won't breathe a word to anyone.

Scene 7:

Location: Lakeview Towers Hotel
Scene: Craig Montgomery's Suite

KATIE FRASIER AND SIMON FRASIER

>> Katie: Hey, what are you doing?
>> Simon: Just making a list of all the hot spots where I might be able to find this woman your brother wants me to track down.
>> Katie: So I guess this means our conversation is over. Unless there's something you want to tell me -- some little secret you've been keeping in your back pocket.
>> Simon: Well, let me just check here -- no, no. The only thing in my back pocket are these, which I will now use to track down Ruby and get what I want from her.
>> Katie: I don't like the sound of that.
>> Simon: Look, I'm not interested in Ruby. Okay? Just trust me.
>> Katie: I do. It's Ruby I don't trust.
>> Simon: You don't even know her.
>> Katie: Actually, I do, I met her once. She was with Bryant.
>> Simon: Really? Where?
>> Katie: Java Underground.
>> Simon: Java Underground, got it!
>> Katie: Wait, I have an idea! I will go with you, since I met Ruby, and help you track her down.
>> Simon: No, no, no, no. Nice one, nice try, but this is definitely a solo mission.
>> Katie: That's what I'm scared of! You should have seen the way she was wrapping herself all around Bryant, like she was some snake with lipstick and breasts.
>> Simon: Look, I survived a whole island full of snakes. Remember? I think I can handle this. Good night.
[Simon leaves and Katie goes after him]
>> Katie: I'm not letting you face that tramp alone. [We see Simon carrying Katie over his shoulder as they enter the suite again] Put me down! Simon, put me down!
>> Simon: No, no, no, not until you promise you're not going to leave this apartment again tonight.
>> Katie: I'm not a child!
>> Simon: Then stop acting like one!
>> Katie: Fine! You win.
>> Simon: Good. Good night.
[Door closes.]

KATIE FRASIER ALONE

>> Katie: -- For now.


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April, 2001