EPISODE 4/11/02
Katie Promises To Always Believe In Simon

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April, 2002


THURSDAY, April 11, 2002

Scene 1:
Location: The Cottage

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Well, that's the last of it. What's that?
>> Katie: What does it look like?
>> Simon: A-ha, I know what it is. What I want to know is where you get it?
>> Katie: Well, I guess one woman's trash is another woman's treasure.
>> Simon: What? You went dumpster diving?
>> Katie: I'll explain later. In the meantime, I'm a little lonely over here on the couch all by myself.
>> Simon: Well, you don't have to ask twice. Is this why they call it a loveseat?
>> Katie: Yeah, just enough room for two.
>> Simon: Yeah, I guess we should christen it properly then.
>> Katie: No, I can't.
>> Simon: Sure you can.
>> Katie: I have to confess. Hey! I have to confess. My mother says it's good for the soul.
>> Simon: All right, body first, soul later.
>> Katie: No, stop I can't concentrate when you're doing that.
>> Simon: Well, that's the point.
>> Katie: It's about the keys.
>> Simon: Not the keys again.
>> Katie: Yes, the keys again.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, I thought we settled all that.
>> Katie: No, you settled it. I didn't. They were a big part of my test for you, Simon, and you failed miserably.

Scene 2:
Location: The Cottage

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: Please, Katie, no more tests, okay? I think it belittles both of us.
>> Katie: Yeah, I know. And I failed, too, okay? Maybe I've been reading too many of those magazines. You know, those quizzes -- "how to test if your love is loyal." "How to put zest to the test."
>> Simon: Look, those quizzes, they're -- they're not made for real people with real problems.
>> Katie: Yeah, I don't want real. Real is boring. Real is doing the laundry and scraping to get by. Give me perfection.
>> Simon: All right. So tell me -- how did I fail you?
>> Katie: I guess deep down, I just wanted you to give the keys to Margo.
>> Simon: I thought I explained that. I told you why --
>> Katie: Yes, I know, I know. We can investigate Dahlia better than the cops can.
>> Simon: Yeah, look -- at this point, the police have one suspect, me. They've got an abandoned car. The missing woman's keys were found among my stuff. Tack on the fact that I got drunk and threatened this woman in front of a whole lot of people -- I mean, you do the math.
>> Katie: I know how they get.
>> Simon: No, I don't think you do. I think that you think that your love for me will make everyone believe that I couldn't hurt Dahlia.
>> Katie: You couldn't.
>> Simon: I know. What I'm trying to say is I think all of that will be lost on the law.
>> Katie: But not on me. I'm sorry. The test was a stupid idea. It's over, though, okay? I made a little mistake. I do believe in you. I believe in you with my whole heart.
>> Simon: Good. Good, I hope so. Because otherwise, you and me, we're in as bad shape as this old cottage.

Scene 3:
Location: The Cottage

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: This cottage will be around forever. Just like us.
>> Simon: Not unless those gifts over there have a new roof and some pretty decent plumbing.
>> Katie: I do have faith in you. I just can't blindly accept everything you do.
>> Simon: Yeah, and I don't expect you to. You know that.
>> Katie: And you have good reasons. And your reasons are my reasons, whatever they are. So, from now on, whatever you say goes.
>> Simon: Okay. Who are you, and what have you done to my wife?
>> Katie: I mean it. No more doubts, okay?
>> Simon: Good.
>> Katie: I love you. >>Simon: I love you, too.
>> Katie: Now, would you like to hear about our new loveseat?
>> Simon: Absolutely. Tell me everything.
>> Katie: Okay. Well, I found it on Lakeview Road.
>> Simon: Ooh, nice. Upper-class trash.
>> Katie: Yeah, there wasn't even anything that wrong with it. So I tipped the garbage man 20 bucks, and he brought it over here. >> Simon: Right, and how much did you tip him to reupholster it?
>> Katie: Nothing. I did it. I got some discontinued fabric --
>> Simon: And a crash course in sewing.
>> Katie: Oh, who are you kidding? Nobody sews anymore. I did this all with a hot glue gun. Wanna see? [ Katie tries to get up, but is stuck to the loveseat ]
>> Simon: Problem?
>> Katie: Ah. No, no problem.
>> Simon: Yeah, right. Katie -- what type of glue did you use?
>> Katie: The super kind.
>> Simon: Yeah.

Scene 4:
Location: The Cottage

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Simon: All right, Katie, where are the scissors? Where are the scissors?
>> Katie: No, you are not cutting my loveseat!
>> Simon: Well, I'm open to suggestions at this point.
>> Katie: Okay, we will get some hot water and we will soften the glue.
>> Simon: And -- and how are we gonna get to the water?
>> Katie: We'll figure out something. We always do.
>> Simon: And if we do? If we do? No more craft shows for you from now on. You are banned.
>> Katie: All right, fine. We'll just take our clothes off?
>> Simon: With one arm?
>> Katie: Yeah, it's more than we had in Malta.
>> Simon: Okay. Well, I guess my wife is pretty flexible.
>> Katie: Mm-hmm. It's all that working out. Well, don't you move.
>> Katie: Do I have a choice? [ laughs ] Nice, see we're getting somewhere.

Scene 5:
Location: The Cottage

SIMON FRASIER, KATIE FRASIER

>> Katie: I'm sure Martha Stewart never had so much fun with glue.
>> Simon: Please, that is a visual I don't need right now.
>> Katie: Oh, I saw another episode on refinishing floors.
>> Simon: No, no listen to me -- you, a sander and varnish -- no way, forget it.
>> Katie: No?
>> Simon: That doesn't mix.
>> Katie: Whatever.
>> Simon: Will you do me a favor, please? Promise me no more tests.
>> Katie: Okay. Well -- maybe just the kind that turn pink or blue.
>> Simon: Oh, no. No. Are you trying to tell me something?
>> Katie: No! Don't be so suspicious.
>> Simon: Well, you do have habit of springing these things on me, you know.
>> Katie: Well, no, no, that was old, insecure Katie. This is new, confident Katie. I'm a changed woman -- and whatever happened to Dahlia, had nothing to do with you.
>> Simon: Do me a favor.
>> Katie: Another one?
>> Simon: Mm-hmm. Don't change too much.
>> Katie: You know what? I can make some beautiful curtains with this dropcloth.
>> Simon: Yeah, well, lucky, we've got a better use for it right now.
>> Katie: That's true. We're going to live happily ever after here, aren't we?
>> Simon: In this place, yeah, I think anything is possible.

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April, 2002